a B B a

Well another year has been added to me…Still, there are people who remembered so i THANK YOU ALL!!

mama– for the bday card that you sent me at sa inipit mo dun =)
ate karen– for the money you gave me so i could buy something for myself
bro– for the greeting..cash naman dyan! hehhehe
papa– for simply remembering
aji– for the long distance you made… mukhang nakalimutan na ako ni luanne  ( she forgot! its a first in the history of our friendship )
kai– for the eiko

… for the comment you left on friendster

dm
pao
julie
teena/doods
tin
arlon
lanzkie
rhose castro
nena fe
karla
angeli
cecille
engiely
ria
janus

… for the text message

JM

avit
karina
ronald
janus
willson
ate cathee
lui
niniven
ate myra
edzel
daddy
christian crisolo
karen ferrer and family
jen galang

… for the friendster message

tita nini exconde
ate cathee (again!)
russ
amor
gay
mhadze
twinx
edward

…for calling me sa house/ greeting me personally

jen barrios
ate marie
kuya allan
ate king
tita inday
jane
ate me-ann
mae

mhay quijano

nadine

lastly, to my baby PAULO– for making such effort just for me to have a celebration… for the spag & cheesesticks you made, for the beautiful earrings and bracelet, for the touching message you left on friendster..thank you and iloveyou

When you recognize God as Creator, you will admire him. When you recognize his wisdom, you will learn from him. when you discover his strength, you will rely on him. But only when he saves you will you worship him.

It’s a  "before and after" scenario. Before your rescue, you could easily keep God at a distance… Sure he was important, but so was your career. Your status. Your salary…

Then came the storm..the rage..the fight…the ripped moorings…despair fell like a fog; your bearings were gone. In your heart, you knew there was no exit.

Turn to your career for help? Only if you want to hide from the storm..not escape it. Lean on your status for strength? A storm isn’t impressed with your title…

Suddenly you are left with one option: God.

June 11, 2007. Took the retake board examination for parts 3 & 5 (the one said to have the leakage). It’s so frustrating to have studied so hard for it and then at the end not even a single question of what I had studied came up. I really hated it. The retake examination, for me was unjust for those who didn’t know anything about the leakage and to top it all, taking it a year after. I guess, a year is not enough for them. This social stigma will forever haunt us throughout our whole nursing career. I think it is something we have to pay for that American Dream.

A couple of days back, I guess coz I kept on thinking about it I had this dream. I didn’t make it with the retake examination. My Ate Karen asked about it over the phone and I just cried. Cried til I had difficulty breathing and there was nothing more to say but sorry. I was trembling. Then, I woke up with tears in my eyes.

I had a fight with Paulo. It was might fault. I haven’t been my self lately. I was being unfair to him. I have a lot in mind- financially, emotionally and even came to a point spiritually. I guess, I was tired. Tired of asking HIM. I simply, at some point lost faith. I was wrong.

And for you baby- I AM SORRY. Sorry for making you worry. I’ll be back, I promise. 

Had a call from one of my best gehlfriends- redgh. She would have probably read my offline messages to her. It was nice hearing a familiar voice. I miss her. I miss lei. I miss them so much. I simply miss being with them. It was such a big adjustment for all of us coz we were used to being around each other. Redgh told me that I sounded sad. I can no longer hide my emotions. I just cried. Knowing that our conversations limited, I briefly told her of my worries. And it was nice hearing her say that "everything will be alright" and i should not be hard on myself. That she will always be there for me and reminding me to never lose faith. I missed those times. She was just a phone call away, then.
* redgh thank you for your call. I really, really appreciate it. You are one damn heck of a friend that is worth treasuring. ilove you and i miss you.

This also goes out to my Ate Karen. You have been a great sister and I could’nt ask more from you. Thank you for everything. I never had  doubts with you asking me to take nursing (you know what i am referring to). You only thought of what you think will be the best for me and for our family.

I still have a  lot of worries in mind but I’d rather keep it to myself. It’s a battle within me. I pray that my faith will prevail and that I’d understand the reasons for all the things that’s been happening so I can comeback and be my self once again…in God’s time.

have you ever felt as if there’s this something you long for? i am feeling it right now. I am in need. I awfully miss a lot of people who seem to have forgotten about me…who seemed to have forgotten the friendship that we had. I thought that ours was tested that not even distance will be an hindrance…i really miss you. i miss the days that we talk..hang out..text..i miss you guys terribly  ; (

SURPRISE, baby!!!!!!!!!!

you have always been asking me about making a blog post about you..i guess you got tired of asking and eventually have totally forgotten about it. So I thought,  why not post one now on your very special day. I really like to make your birthday extra special because its our first as a couple!!

Paulo brought out the better person in me. He has been my inspiration. Recently, I’ve discovered about my new talents by drawing his favorite cartoon character- tasmanian devil or even making a picture paper clay of it =) Whenever i feel low, he tells me that i do not have to worry for he will always be there for me no matter what..that i could always depend on him.

He is a kid at heart. the simplest things gives him joy even a simple letter from  me will do.

He’d always tell me how pretty i am (which boosts my confidence ) =) My family and the people i care the most is also important to him. He would even remind me on times that i may have forgotten to buy something or even greet them. He even made way for us ( charmed ones ) to settle our misunderstanding in the past before they left the country to go reach for their dreams.

Baby, on your birthday I would like to let everybody know how much i care and love you. Thank you for always believing and bearing with me, I know at some point i have given you headaches.

i love you so much… HAPPY BIRTHDAY! i hope you got surprised! ; )

well, here comes the FINAL result on the leakage issue..i don’t know if i will be very happy or still looking forward to the oathtaking having heard of the 1,600+ who will be retaking the said exam. Personally,if i was one of them i will be really upset…depress…if given the choice, i would rather have not read my name last July 19, 2006. Honestly, it was easier to cope from it. You see, you have already announced to the whole Philippines that you have passed and that you are a REGISTERED NURSE then it suddenly ends there because of the mistake of the PRC!

that’s it! a moment of happiness being taken away! (hopefully, i won’t be one of them!)

i wish we have learned from that incident…it was indeed a test of friendship but i am glad that we were able to resolve it..i love you both gehls!

a million thanks to the following people who remembered my special day: 

ate karen–> for the long distance call you made just to greet me
bro
pau –> for everything..lam mo na iyon baby!
daddy rey
redgh–> for extending your stay
christian–> for spending it with me din also! thank you my new found friend
lei
ate marie
ate raquel
jm
ate myra
karina
jen galang
karen ferrer
yehlen
jen barrios–> for the call
paola
kai
amor
bo–> for reminding all our other friends to greet me!
jo
julie
erwin
madz
rhoxy–> for the testimonial..see you soon
cheryl villanueva–> thanks for the beautiful testimonial!
tracy
jimmy
norman
koyang
bestfriend dreau

SATURDAY, Ausgust 5, 2006 – it was supposed to be a celebration of an achievement 

– a get-together of friends who haven’t seen each other for a long time

– an event that was meant to be a HAPPY ONE

Let me say my piece…

… i am greatly disappointed with what happened after which realizing that i could only be considered as a casual friend

… for four long years of this said friendship tested by time and circumstances..by ups & downs..i can only be considered as a casual friend

… if being insensitive means asking one’s permission if i could invite another friend whom she also considers as one…i don’t know what else could i have done. if i remember it correctly, you even agreed with the idea and even mentioned that it was okay even if he brings along a friend, afterall you had someone with you also

… i didn’t turn my back to you…today, i am telling you, the reason why i didn’t run after you and instead asked redgh was because : one, i was disappointed with the gesture; two, i was being sensitive to your feelings..how? i know you might have felt betrayed and i may not be able to control my emotions towards the incident and "S"..i considered your feelings..and that doesn’t mean i love you less

… i love you and you of all people should realize how much

… honestly, i think you wouldn’t have reacted that way if it wasn’t because of "S"…and in my opinion, "S" doesn’t not have the right to say the things that she texted redgh…why? because nobody’s perfect! i know at some instances you might have hurt him also (in anyway) but why was he able to forget about it…why can’t you? let’s not talk about who’s hurt who…you were already happy with your life as you say and he was living his life…so what was the problem?… and "s" maybe at some point you have also hurt my friend, right?

…you were right and i quote " At the end of the day, its still you and your friends and no matter what kind of stupidity each one does, you will stand by them but tell them they’re wrong if they are. and do not turn your back on them..ever. no turncoats allowed in true friendship. "… and today i tell you in all honesty, i think this will be the first time and last time, i’ll be telling you this.. even if you tell us that nothing has change..THERE IS! try to analyze..

i am about to explode!

i have never felt so betrayed..

what did do to deserve this pain? why do i have to hurt this way?

to this PARTICULAR PERSON, i hope your happy and please stop pretending that you’re concerned and hurting, too!